Marie

First entries always seem to be the first impression.

The trouble is, I have made many first impressions, some good, some not so good.

So the question here lies, how do I introduce myself back into the world of online journals again?

I have no friends yet. so I feel like a pretty big loser just putting myself out there.

This journal is friends only so here is my life in a nutshell.

My name is Marie, I have 3 older brothers, 1 older sister, a brother in law and 1 nephew. I have two sets of parents and a million close relatives because that's just how we roll. I am the youngest, seek the most attention and seem to be the most spoilt. I am the delinquent who failed to stay in school, the troublemaker who pisses people off, and the spastic in my family and circle of friends.

Speaking of friends, I have a few, all male in random different groups who I meet in the strangest places, I'll get close to some, who treat me like a kid sister than get too attatched to them and end up getting hurt...when no dating or sex is even involved.

I love people to easily, I crave to be taken care of and my life long dream is to be on the cover of zoo weekly...okay no not really.

I'm not a tart, I can sometimes dress like one but seem to fit in like one of the boys (minus the penis) i love fitness modelling, i train like a mo-fo at the gym, I am the only chick in the men's weights room, I sit in the garage with the guys getting grease up to my elbows, I drink beer and watch the footy and I play boxing matches in the living room.

But at the same time I get my tan, nails and hair done religiously, I am forever being worried about the way I look and still cry my eyes out when I get my heart broken.

But underneath everything that makes me who I am, life seems to be just that little bit more complicated when you throw in a few mental illnesses and an eating disorder, being in and out of clinics and on countless medications.

My life right now is a scramble. I feel like i can never get out what i need to say and something is keeping me up at night.

Some parts of my life are great, but there is a lot of it I hate. and I guess that's life.

I just want someone to reach me. Add me if you want to be my friend.

xoxo
Marie.